Virginia Bound

I'm having one of those mornings where I have too much time to think. I've packed my bags to go home for Christmas for two days...I am closing the store tonight, parking my car at the Las Vegas airport and arriving in Virginia to surprise my parents on Christmas morning. My sister's helping me as her gift to me...the flight prices kept going up and down and I was happy to see it finally went down enough to make it worth it. At this point, I was ready to pay anything for 36 hours at home.

It's interesting how we figure out what we value and need. I love the idea of being free and open...I'm listening to the Jackson Browne record he left me hiding behind our old dresser for Christmas. It's bringing up those feelings of why I moved out here in the first place. Of why I hate being stuck out here now.

I love my new job. I lost my keys the other night and I just stayed over at my manager's house. Her family was in town and they kept trying to cheer me up. When I found them in the back room under the fridge the next day I felt such a relief. All I could think about when I lost my keys was how alone I feel in this city. But that got me nowhere. It just made me feel bad about myself.

I think the process of letting go is a long one. Especially when you can't explain why you are drawn to certain people in your life. Even when they don't make sense to you, it's just this feeling of being open and calm and excited.

I'm going home tonight. And my apartment will stay here and when I get back I'll clean up the dishes in the sink and finally start to dust off the banjo that's been sitting in the corner of my bedroom for months.