GO GO GO!

It’s one of those rainy-cold days in Asheville, those days I used to daydream of when it hadn’t rained in months in Las Vegas. It’s all dark and gloomy outside and my office is cave-like today, keeping itself rounded against the rain.

I’m a student again, now. Yoga teacher training started last weekend and really it’s the beginning of something that will never end. And I really like it that way. We all lined up our sticky mats and blankets and learned about anatomy and yoga politics and downdog. At the end of the weekend I didn’t feel like a new person, but at the start of a new journey. Because it’s all one journey after another. Because this is why I moved to Asheville.

Carving out time to practice and meditate daily and read all the yoga books that are out there can be challenging. Sometimes it feels like everything is a means to an end rather than what’s in the moment. I find myself wishing the day away and then not being able to be present on my yoga mat. And that’s what it’s all about, right? Being present in the moment and creating that peace within…

Everyday we dedicate our practice to something. Whether it be to ourselves for healing or some higher power. Because in yoga, god is everything and everywhere. It’s whoever and whatever you want it to be. It transfers through languages and cultures. It recreates the idea of your world. When I was in Las Vegas healing a broken heart, I dedicated my practice to him everyday. And even though we weren’t talking at that point, and things seemed worse than they had ever been, I was finding peace within myself and sending it across the country to him. Because ever since I realized I loved him I couldn’t go back. That love radiated and for awhile, neither of us knew how to handle it. And when you finally do, it is amazing.

Obama spoke in Leesburg a few days ago and my mom e-mailed me that she was thinking about going. I wrote back GO GO GO! Now is the time to GO! When I asked her how it was she e-mailed me that they got there kind of late so he was already speaking but that it went well. Then she mentioned that she and my dad signed up for a yoga class together at the local recreation center. That they were trying to get some friends of theirs to join them.

There are many ways to heal the heart. People travel or meditate and do yoga. Sometimes it takes an amazing conversation over coffee or screaming in your car while driving home from a long day at work. Some people drink themselves silly or write everything out until their hands are sore. For me, it was getting that e-mail.

I Mean Silly Awesome Great and Gay

If I were sixteen, I would be jumping up and down with them. My feet would be sinking deep into the floor as it stretched below me. And the smile on my face wouldn’t be so hidden by adulthood and awkwardness. Because when you see Of Montreal in concert, there’s a little kid in you that can’t help but dance.

And today I’m tired. But I can’t help but think about how hilarious it is that my best friend woke up to a Jesus fish carved into the side of her green jeep. And that she noticed it on the way to the vet to make sure her cat Delicious was okay. And that now the cat has a cone on her head and keeps running into the wall at her apartment.

After the lead singer of Of Montreal (they are from Athens, GA) dressed in nothing but tight, gold shorts, was painted all red, and then came out in a box covered in foam, he called out: thank you for letting us be ourselves. And it sounds so fucking corny but I really loved it.

I hadn’t been in one place where so many people were so happy and full of energy in a long time. I’m getting a little too used to my day-to-day work and yoga mode where I find myself hidden in lunch breaks in my office and singing in the car on the way from one school to the next. And on top of it all I am starting to freelance career counsel here in Asheville. Because the idea of creating my own career has always appealed to me I’ve just never had the guts to do it.

And even when things aren’t beginning to slow down and I start my yoga teacher training a week from tomorrow, I know that it’s all meant to be chaos. Folded on top of each other and around and never knowing when anything is going to end. And every time I try to stop this motion it cuts me short like a revolving door. Like I should just step in and go, instead of fearfully sticking my fingers out only to get slammed back into me.

And all I can picture is my best friend’s cat in her tiny apartment in LA running around that hardwood floor and sliding into the walls. And then just bouncing right off and back up onto her feet. And it’s hilarious.

Thank you, Delicious, for being yourself.