When I was younger and would get in trouble my dad used to make me sit on the steps and think about what I'd done. He would always tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself whenever I told him that I hated him and wished I had different parents. When you have opposing values from your parents, it's really hard to ever see eye to eye. There's always something there pulling at both of you, and sometimes things just snap.
I've spent the last three weeks feeling sorry for myself. Wanting to run away from this place that's so awful. Wanting things to work out when I haven't even realized how much we both created stories about each other. I created a story that he was going to leave, and so he did. But things are never really that simple. And if they were, they would never really be worth it.
We have a January challenge at work to see who can go to the most fitness classes for the whole month. I did yoga in the middle of the Fashion Show mall on the strip in Las Vegas, Nevada today. I write it all dramatically because in the middle of class I realized exactly where I was. And it was incredible.
As part of my job we write our one, five, and ten year personal, business, and fitness goals. It can seem intimidating at first considering my goals and perspective change every week but there are always certain things that stay the same.
Five Year (November 2012-30 years old)
I am being: To make this happen I am being ambitious, creative, peaceful, and organized.
• I live in Asheville, North Carolina, having successfully opened a lululemon athletica as store manager or community coordinator.
• I lead a GREAT staff of people, motivating them to achieve their goals.
• I am going through yoga teacher training.
• I am a published author in small magazines and am working on a book to be published.
Five Year (November 2012-30 years old)
I am being: To make this happen I am being environmental, stable, and content.
• I drive a Prius car.
• I own a house that I will completely redo to be environmentally friendly, as well as remodeling my house by going to garage sales and making new furniture.
• I contribute to the Asheville community through lululemon, yoga, and volunteering.
• I am in a passionate, amazing relationship (possibly married).
I feel silly sharing these now knowing how much will change. For now what I'm working on is being able to do a freakin' headstand alone, not up against a wall, during yoga. And to be able to breathe calmly for fifteen seconds while doing it.
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1 comment:
Again, your blog gets me thinkin. Yes, we write our own stories, often not so consciously. Self blame is an easy story, too. Bouncing on, head up, eyes open--seeing behind & ahead--born again & again--hard work, but an easy life is not ideal. Pain seems so unbearable, many of us hide in cocoons of stability; experiencing pain is good work, though, like finding your body where it is in yoga. Then you can move on, engage with where you are, go toward where you want to go.
I love your plans. What a great job, that asks you to think about your life honestly. I'm smiling, thinking of you doing yoga in some mall in Vegas. You go, girl.
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