Out with the old...

For awhile I seriously thought the worst thing in the world that could happen to me would be to get into a car accident. Thinking: I have no friends out here in Vegas, the people are mean, and my health insurance is still in paperwork form. And I figured I had at least three or four more months with the Honda.

I have to admit I freaked out a little bit. While trying to get from the middle exit lane to the side of the road on a busy highway I wondered where my phone was. That I needed to call my dad and get him out here immediately to help me. That I'd just smacked into someone who hit another car and the honda was smoking on the side of the road. I called one of my friends from work who came right over to help me. Without question, she was there for me.

Maybe things happen to test you to find out a different perspective on a place. I've heard horror stories about car accidents in Vegas. But everyone was nice and supportive, including my dad. When I called crying, yelling that I hated Vegas and just wanted to come home, that I'd had enough of this place, he reminded me of my goals and how self-destructive it can be to not be completely present while living in a place. That North Carolina will always be there.

My parents helped me buy a new car. I explained to the dealer that I was going to pay them back each cent and that I wasn't that kind of daughter and that I really, really wished I had the money to do this on my own but that I've got this new job that I love but it's not the best pay but I'm really good at budgeting and just happy to have parents who will help me negociate for a new car after I've wrecked the old one. When I was fifteen I backed that exact car into a tree in the driveway. My dad calmly understood that it was a mistake but my mom was really upset with me. This time, she just reminded me why she wanted me to get my health insurance at work all taken care of. I think I just assume my parents will never change despite everything that happens in a day. Despite it all.

The heart pumps blood to itself before it reaches any other organ in the body.

When I was younger and would get in trouble my dad used to make me sit on the steps and think about what I'd done. He would always tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself whenever I told him that I hated him and wished I had different parents. When you have opposing values from your parents, it's really hard to ever see eye to eye. There's always something there pulling at both of you, and sometimes things just snap.

I've spent the last three weeks feeling sorry for myself. Wanting to run away from this place that's so awful. Wanting things to work out when I haven't even realized how much we both created stories about each other. I created a story that he was going to leave, and so he did. But things are never really that simple. And if they were, they would never really be worth it.

We have a January challenge at work to see who can go to the most fitness classes for the whole month. I did yoga in the middle of the Fashion Show mall on the strip in Las Vegas, Nevada today. I write it all dramatically because in the middle of class I realized exactly where I was. And it was incredible.

As part of my job we write our one, five, and ten year personal, business, and fitness goals. It can seem intimidating at first considering my goals and perspective change every week but there are always certain things that stay the same.

Five Year (November 2012-30 years old)
I am being: To make this happen I am being ambitious, creative, peaceful, and organized.
• I live in Asheville, North Carolina, having successfully opened a lululemon athletica as store manager or community coordinator.
• I lead a GREAT staff of people, motivating them to achieve their goals.
• I am going through yoga teacher training.
• I am a published author in small magazines and am working on a book to be published.

Five Year (November 2012-30 years old)
I am being: To make this happen I am being environmental, stable, and content.
• I drive a Prius car.
• I own a house that I will completely redo to be environmentally friendly, as well as remodeling my house by going to garage sales and making new furniture.
• I contribute to the Asheville community through lululemon, yoga, and volunteering.
• I am in a passionate, amazing relationship (possibly married).

I feel silly sharing these now knowing how much will change. For now what I'm working on is being able to do a freakin' headstand alone, not up against a wall, during yoga. And to be able to breathe calmly for fifteen seconds while doing it.