Politics weren't really discussed in my house growing up. With a Democratic mother who wanted everything to be equal for everyone (this included the love she shared equally for my brother, sister, and me), and a self-proclaimed Libertarian (glorified Republican) for a dad, nothing ruined Easter late lunches better than a good ol' discussion about who was doing what in the office just one hour away from our home in the suburbs of Virginia.
It wasn't any surprise that my brother grew up to be a lawyer and my sister works in marketing. It wasn't any surprise to me that I would feel uneasy or discontented the second something felt wrong to me. A lot of people in my life have called me difficult for questioning things, and I know if I weren't constantly doing so I'd still be working in the same office in Charlottesville just hoping things would change on their own. What are we all searching for anyway?
Ever since Bush, Jr. was elected I haven't felt easy living in this country. Mark my word: if Rudy, Jr. gets elected in 2008, I am leaving this country. It's not that I don't feel safe or that the price of gas is outrageous in Las Vegas (although, it is pretty darn high), it's that things haven't felt right for a very long time and everyone knows it, but no one is doing anything about it.
Last night we went to see bell hooks read at UNLV. She spoke about community and feeling connected, the way that people speak about something they are really passionate about, in a joking, down-to-earth kind of way so that people would warm up to her and actually listen. I kept thinking about ways I could be connected to the ever-changing community in Las Vegas, or how I hope to one day feel connected to somewhere. She also spoke about the idea of local politics and action on a local level, since that's where things begin. When we were walking back to the car, I turned to him and said, "I don't think it's enough to be a good person anymore." I think I finally believe that.
I was hoping that this job would help me spread yoga and peace in what seems to be a corrupt country and world. I was hoping that it would help people feel good about themselves so that when the little things happened they felt comfortable in being a good person. Not that I'm a saint or anything, but I do fully believe in the idea of spreading goodness. Seriously.
Today has been one of those days where everything seems to be too much. Where my own selfishness has gotten in the way of any kind of real change. In her talk, bell hooks also spoke of the idea of going back to where you were born, back to your roots to help contribute to that community. Even if it's one that doesn't agree with you. Even though my dad is from Vermont and my mom is from Missouri, my brother, sister, and I were all three born in Washington, D.C. It's where I lived until I was four.
When I was a child I had this bathing suit with a goldfish on it, and in one picture I'm eating a goldfish cracker as I wear this bathing suit in my backyard. Of the memories I have of that place, one that sticks out in my mind is me, holding a goldfish, in the back of our van as we drive to the suburbs of Virginia. I don't even know if this actually happened, but for some reason I'm four and I'm hoping no water spills out. I'm hoping that this goldfish makes it through the car ride with enough water to live to move into our nice, new house.
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2 comments:
i remember the goldfish. both the bathing suit and the one we took with us. Great post. :)
as one who has left the country & come back, I hear you. Is the US home? In Holland, I was the American guy. Here, I don't know who I am--some liberal who doesn't do much to change the world--maybe touches a few individuals with music & teaching.
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