My friend from Charlottesville sent me an email today talking about how things aren't as haphazard as they seem, that something stronger is keeping me here in Vegas instead of having me move on to LA or Portland or Chicago. I'm looking at an apartment later tonight to see how far away it is from the Strip, which is where I'll be working soon. I accepted a job with the yoga clothing company, and even though I'm excited about the job, the idea of living out here alone scares the crap out of me.
Once things settle down, you realize people are just people. There's no way around it. And there's no way to explain why we treat each other like we are expendable or that there's something better on the way. But when timing isn't right, there's nothing that can be done about that. There's a chance he'll stay here for a little while. He's looking at cars in both Vegas and the coast of North Carolina. Either way, I'm looking at the whole transition alone. Which is why I started all of these life changes in the first place.
Some days I feel excited and others I feel suffocated by the heat. I really don't know what I want out of this, but I do know that I couldn't move to Portland or Chicago just yet. Because doing the comfortable thing would make things easy at this point. At least that's what I'm telling myself.
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