Re-freakin-union 2007

There’s something about being up at 5 am on a Saturday night, drinking High Life and listening to birds waking up behind Tom Waits’ Closing Time. There’s something about hanging out with a group of college friends until the sky begins to get that black-blue-gray shade. There’s something about knowing that staying up and hanging out will make you tired the whole week but you stay up anyway, waiting for a real reason to go to sleep. Waiting for something to give.

When I feel like I’ve explored a place for long enough, I know immediately that it’s time to move on. And I’ll do anything to make that possible, because change is inevitable, so why not make things happen. What I’ve realized is that the older one gets, the harder it is to make these sudden changes. You can’t just move to Prague and start a whole new life because in this scenario Prague doesn’t even exist. Things become planted where you are and roots begin to grow without you even noticing. It takes something, like a weekend with good friends, to realize how firmly these roots are planted in. And if you even put them there.

On Saturday it was one of those crisp sunny days you would expect in September. We went to the bating cages and then the four of us hit some baseballs on a field out in Maryland. The last time I played baseball was with these guys and I couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

One of my friends is moving to Las Vegas at the beginning of August, another to Nashville maybe, and another is still deciding. Plans change every week and don’t even require solid plans in the end. There’s something about following your instincts that is inevitable in these situations, but sometimes it seems impossible. Because it costs too much money or there isn’t a job set up. Sometimes I wonder how anyone makes any decisions at all because we create so many barriers.

Is it something about me? Or is it everything? Would you change a few pieces? Or forget the whole thing? ‘Cause there’s something about you, keeps me coming back. I know things will be fine. Fall into line. You’ll still be mine. -Caitlin Cary & Thad Cockrell

I always feel like no matter where you go, you keep circling back. That things never really change, only recycle. But something was different about this weekend in a way that I can’t explain. There was an uncomfortable change that had occurred, while we were all living in our separate cities. I only really felt it as I got ready to leave to drive back to Charlottesville. Where you are sitting around wanting to talk about something important, but you are too tired to really start that conversation. And time just passes by until it’s getting to be dusk. The sun was a huge, orange circle that settled over the Virginia mountains as I drove out of D.C. I was not really feeling like I’d left anything behind. My toothbrush and face lotion were packed in a bag in the trunk of my car. I just listened to Caitlin Cary and Thad Cockrell as I drove back to Charlottesville, my mind filled with disappointment and exhaustion.